Dysfuntuntional Akatsuki Drabbles
by xxx GAARA xxx
Summary: Just some Akatsuki Drabbles writen at 4:00 in the morning while hyper on 4 cups of coffee
1. Chapter 1

Dysfunctional Akatsuki Drabbles

Disclaimer: We do not own Naruto. But we do own the big tub of coffee in the cupboard. Buah ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha! Coffee coffee coffee coffee!!!

It is five in the morning and we are hyper on….four cups of coffee. And some Pepsi.

Chapter 1: Helium

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Deidara walked into the house of Akatsuki dragging a large tank full of helium, yes helium as in the stuff that makes your voice squeaky when you inhale it. Itachi glanced at him, along with the other members, including Leader-sama and the blue haired person. Leader-sama raised a shadowy eyebrow. 

"What the hell is that?"

"Look at what I found! I think its helium un!" Deidara exclaimed breathlessly.

"Yeah of course its helium" Itachi said pointed to the large bold helium sign on the side of the tank. Kisame rolled his eyes. "Why the hell did you bring it here? What are nine S-Class criminals supposed to do with helium???"

"Look watch this un!" Deidara leaned close to the tank opened a valve and inhaled.

"SQUEEEEEEEE! UN!" He squeaked in a loud squeaky squirrelly voice.

The Akatsuki members widened their eyes at Deidara's sudden vocal sex change.

"Wholly crap! What the hell!" exclaimed Hidan in wonder. "I want to try!" Hidan got up and walked over to him and sat down by the valve and inhaled the gas.

"BUAH HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!" He screamed in the squirrelly voice. "SHIT THIS IS AWESOME!"

Kisame burst into laughter at the high pitched swearing man-woman-thing. Then to everyone's surprise amazement and shock, Itachi joined in and said in fine squirrelly form "Foolish little brother why are you so weak? It's because you lack WAFFLE CRISPS!"

Hidan laughed out loud in his squeaky voice which was slowly fading away. "NNOOOOOooooo!!! FEAR THE WRATH OF GOD!" His voice going back to normal. He dived back in for more helium. Poor Sasori sat in a corner all emo because he had no lungs, Zetsu tried joining in but his fly trap wilted and he cried in depression.

Leader-sama's eye twitched in his shadowy glory at the group. Half scared and disturbed. He said nothing and walked out of the room, trying to uphold his title of being big and scary.

Soon most of the Akatsuki were high in their helium glory. Making funny comments in their squeaky voices. Sasori still being emo and Kisame screaming something about saving the whales. Leader-sama brooded in his room, ignoring the squeaky screaming members of his so-called powerful and unemotional criminal organization.

Deidara, high of the helium had a sudden case of the munchies and ran into the kitchen with a mind for cookies and dove headfirst into the fridge throwing eggs left, right and center accidentally decking an innocent Kisame in the head.

Itachi laughed at his partner mercilessly. Kisame growled in the squeaky voice, and he threw pieces of the egg at Itachi. And so began the legendary egg fight. Itachi used his awesome ninja powers and ducked at a piece of egg thrown at him by Deidara. The egg flew throw the air and hit Sasori, who was still brooding, in slow mo.

-20 minutes later-

The Akatsuki were covered in egg and getting severely punished by Leader-sama who had to clean up the mess.

"You guys are so childish. What happened to being evil and powerful?! And yet you guys are throwing eggs around like a bunch of children!"

The Akatsuki bowed their heads and stood in a line. Cowering chibi-like and clinging to each other in shame. Sasori and Zetsu smirking at the members in their corners. But Leader-sama turned to them.

"AND YOU TWO!!! WHY DIDN'T YOU STOP THEM?! JUST SITTING THERE LIKE A BUNCH OF EMO'S!!!"

Sasori and Zetsu huddled close together, fearing the wrath of Leader-sama.

Leader-sama used his awesome summoning skills and threw a bunch of mops and Swiffer Wetjets at the hapless shinobi and turned leaving 9 very sad and squeaky Akatsuki idiots in his wake.

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A/n: ok so the awesome owner of this account (it's Alexa, remember?) is here with another friend (Starla) and it is 5:00 in the morning and we are making cookies we came up with this idea when high on coffee so yeah… 


	2. Chapter 2: The amityville toaster

Dysfunctional Akatsuki Drabbles

Chapter 2: The Amittyville Toaster

Disclaimer: If we owned Naruto, Itachi would have murdered Sasuke along with the rest of his family. But sadly we do not. BUT we do own the big plate of double chocolate chip cookies in the kitchen. –laughs evilly- Also….we do not own Foamy the great and mighty squirrel. He was the one that inspired this chapter

Ok review and tell us if these are any good

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Itachi walked into the kitchen, carrying a red toaster, he smirked when he saw Deidara eating sushi.

"Hey! Deidara! Look what I brought off of Ebay! I got it from that haunted house in Amittyville!"

Deidara raised an eyebrow at him. "You bought a haunted toaster? Un"

"Yeah...But check this is out…." Itachi put it down and plugged it in. He then put in a piece of white bread. "You put in an ordinary piece of white bread and then..."

-48 seconds later-

"Wheat toast? How'd you get wheat toast?" Deidara asked as a piece of wheat toast popped up and hit him square in the forehead.

"No one knows!" Replied Itachi. He smirked at the mysterious wheat toast. Deidara was rubbing his head and feeling a little freaked out. "But what's even cooler is when you put in wheat bread you get pumpernickel and when you put in pumpernickel you get a blueberry muffin!" exclaimed Itachi.

"Bullshit un." Deidara muttered doubtfully.

"Oh yeah? FINE! It just so happens that I have some pumpernickel bread right here!"

-56 seconds later-

Itachi pointed at the blueberry muffin that popped up and out of the Amityville Toaster. "See! It's a Blueberry muffin!"

"Whoa…that's freaky. What happens when you put in a bagel?" Deidara asked, leaning closer to the slightly smushed blueberry muffin.

"Good question!" Itachi exclaimed.

-6, 798 Seconds later-

"Is…is that a pork chop…un?" Deidara whispered. Eye twitching…

"Aw man. What a rip off, I was hoping for it to be one of those toasty cakes." Itachi yelled, giving the toaster one of his infamous glares.

Deidara looked at Itachi and then asked, "Oh try waffles…un!"

"Eh…the auction description said something about not to use waffles." Itachi said looking at Deidara.

"Um…why?" Deidara asked.

"Something about getting back a toasted human hand or something ah don't screw around with it."

-1, 987 Seconds later-

A toasted human hand popped up. Deidara twitched and leaned away. "Whoa…it's a toasted hand…"

Sasori stepped into the kitchen and looked at the pair. Unfortunately for him he didn't see the toasted human hand.

Deidara looked at him and said happily, "Sasori-Danna!"

Itachi blinked at the puppet master.

Sasori looked at both of them. "Um…yeah. Anyway, has either of you two seen my hand? It disappeared about a minute ago, and I can't find it. I asked the others and they haven't seen it."

Deidara was going to say something but Itachi interrupted him. "No. We haven't seen it. We were making toast…"

Sasori gave them a weird look then turned around and left the kitchen to find his missing hand.

Itachi smirked and looked at the toaster. "I wonder what happens when you put in banana bread…" Itachi pondered.

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The Amityville Toaster. Make breakfast spooky. Spooky talking toaster. Spooky eating toast. Yum yum yum…puppet hand.

A/n: Um yeah hope you enjoyed that. Alexa and me really enjoyed the Amityville Toaster by Foamy so um yeah. We decided to change it in Akatsuki form - yay! Go Akatsuki! Please review we will give you cookies –waves cookie-


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